Lying down

Thursday 8.19am

Having been so tired lately I have learnt to really appreciate one thing in my life - lying down. Gravity is all around us. It seems we do not know what it is, only that it is there always in the background quietly pulling at our bodies. It takes energy to stand up against gravity, energy that normally I would not notice but at the moment I feel I have hardly enough to stand let alone function through the day. Adrenaline gets me through of course, but I can only produce so much of that and to get to the end of the day and finally just let go is such a blissful feeling.

You have to lie down properly to really appreciate it. Sit down, stretch your legs out, and then roll your back down to the ground stretching it as you do so. Your arms should rest palms up beside you, slightly away from your body. And just let go, relax. Of course my body is never completely relaxed at this point. All those little muscles that have been under strain all day supporting me are not quite sure they can let go. I can feel them jumping as they let go a little to see what happens and then tense up again immediately. But gradually the twitching stops as everything finally lets go and surrenders. To gravity.

Perhaps there should be a society for this - SELD, the society for the enjoyment of lying down. We could have classes and mass public lie downs, the world would change.

But then again all that would take energy, just the thought of it is tiring me out. I think I will go and lie down now . . . .

Sometimes even Jack Johnson isn't enough

Wednesday 9.00pm

Tiredness is a killer isn't it ? Been doing too much lately and I am very weary. I just want to sit and stare into space but all the parts that make up family life keep nagging at me to get done. And to make matters worse, in an effort to get some space I have been staying up later and later at night and so just end up tireder in the mornings. When it gets like this, eventually something happens that is just too much and everything suddenly collapses.

It was one of those occasions recently. It started well, Nicola and I went out to the farmers market and did some shopping. But of course it took longer than expected and when we got back home there was still lots to do. And then it happened. Nicola discovered that I had forgotten to do something that she had asked me to and would now have to do it herself. That was that final straw, she got angry, I couldn't see why, and pretty soon we were growling at each other from separate rooms.

It is all fine now of course, but it makes you think. And what I think is that we have a very strong relationship. If we had had a lot of nagging annoyances with each other lying just under the surface what would the outcome have been.

I am glad that we don't.


(At least I don't - perhaps I should ask Nicola . . . . . .)

A Dream

Thursday 7.02am

I dreamt that I was walking alongside a wide river with high banks on either side. There was me, my family and my brother John. It was a lovely day, still and sunny and we chatted happily as we walked upstream. unseen by us though the river was rising, these huge tongues of water were rushing upstream behind us. We turned to look but it was too late and the water overwhelmed us and we were suddenly tumbling along within the chaotic foam rushing along the banks. There was no way we could escape, it was too rough, but splashing about desperately we all gradually found ourselves on the very top of the huge mound of water. Although we were still being carried along at a tremendous pace, it was actually quite calm up there and with a few strokes of our arms and legs we could keep on top, almost surfing along, quite safely and enjoyably really. John though kept just lying there not paddling and I could see him sliding off towards the foam again. "John" I kept shouting, "You have to swim a little, or you'll slide off again" And he would but then stop again and I would have to shout once more.

And then I woke up, there was a cat looking at me, purring happily. It was ten past three in the morning.