Sunday, 23 November 2008

Not thinking

Sunday 8.11am

My job can be quite stressfull. My day, from 8am until 5pm is mapped out in 20 minute segments of often intense activity. During these periods I am focused completely on what I am doing as well as the bigger picture surrounding it - how did we get to this place, what I have to do to fix it, what are the consequences of that and how can we prevent this happening again in the future. And because my whole philosophy is based on education and understanding, I have to communicate the important points of this to you as a patient in a way that you can understand. All in twenty minutes. And you thought you were just having a filling.

It is not always so busy of course, but it is perhaps not so surprising that when it is I find I do not think about anything else. At these times my brain just stops and although I may have a thought, as soon as I have a blank piece of paper in front of me (or a blank piece of LCD screen) the thought fades away like a dream and I am left with an echo of my thought that I just cannot quite grasp. Writers block.

It is during these times that I feel pressured and worry because I can feel my time draining away like sand or water, and in a life you only get so much time. But I shouldn't you know, because in the grand scheme of things everything balances out and you cannot have periods of activity without corresponding periods of inactivity.

Balance - that is what is important.

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