Growth

Friday 8.37

Nicola and I watched a documentary about the Rolling Stones last night and very enjoyable it was. I always feel a sort of wistfulness when watching good musicians. I would like to play like they do, with that relaxed freedom that only comes with years of experience. But of course I am not a musician and no matter how much or long I play I will never be one. And yet, if I think about it perhaps I already am. Over the years my playing has changed from poor attempts to copy existing songs, to an easy experimentation with sounds and rhythm, creating small riffs on the fly that come more from my mood at the time than anything else. Nobody else would understand or see what I am doing, blinded as they are by having to judge me by accepted standards. There I fail miserably - I still cannot play a song all the way through, and I am quite happy playing off tune as on - it is the sounds that I am hearing and the emotions it evokes or reflects, like poetry without words going straight to my emotional centre. In my own way I have taken that tiny morsel of musical talent that I posses just as far as Mick Jagger or Ronnie Wood has with their much greater abilities.

It is human nature to compare of course, but I blame television for our shortsightedness, our easy acceptance of secondhand standards taken from ever more sensationalist soap operas and news programmes.

Sometimes it is good to step outside of convention, find a quiet space within, and look at things as they really are.